Collective Thoughts from an 18 Year-Old on a Late Thursday Night

Suddenly, a fact has become apparent to me. Life, and often times, the people you meet, are relentlessly unforgiving. And while this may be inconceivably obvious to most of you, it is frontpage news for me. 

Being thrown into a completely new situation in a different place full of strangers is a challenge for everyone. No matter who you are or where you come from, this is not easy.  Challenges force you to push your limits, to stretch out your arms and to give completely of yourself.  I will fail. But, if I try hard enough, I will also succeed. And success out of a challenge is incredibly more valuable than success from just simply being.

Everyone, at some point in their lives, leaves their comfort zone, or rather, is forced out.  It is in these situations that, I think, we learn the most about ourselves. We learn that we really aren’t as confident as we thought we were. We learn that finding people to befriend and to spend our days with is one of the hardest things to do. We learn that being your self is infinitely more complicated than it sounds. We learn that longing to love and loving is much easier to come by than actually being loved.  And, unfortunately, we learn that love is the most important thing.

This importance of love comes to us in two ways. The first (and wonderfully better option) is that you find someone whom you love and who loves you in return, and you realize that this is it. This is what everyone talks about. This is why mankind even exists.  The second (and much more common, if you’re me) is that you don’t find that person. Or you do and you fall in love with said person, but he never loves you back, or even sees you when you walk by. And it is this absence of love that punches you in the stomach and tells you that what you don’t have is what you need. We are made for love. It preserves what little humanity the world has left. It gives people hope. And when you realize this and understand how momentous it is to be loved, you’re a goner. That is all I want, to be loved. And it’s not happening for me.

What do you do if you’ve independently worked for everything you have, and the one thing you want is something you can’t have on your own?

Theme for English F

This is a poem based off of "Theme for English B" by Langston Hughes. It's my version.

Theme for English F


The instructor said,

Go home and write
a page tonight.
And let that page come out of you-
Then, it will be true.


I wonder if it’s that simple?
I’m a sixteen year old girl
with crazy curls.
I’m a junior in high school and I try to be
carefree and confident.
But that’s not always easy.

I’m young, we’re young.
Sometimes I think I know it all,
but most times, I am far off.
I try to do what’s right
but sometimes I do just the opposite.
I make mistakes and I mess up.
I feel scattered, confused and misguided at times
and I get to a point where I feel like there’s no way out
of this stressful place where I sometimes get stuck.
I worry that things and people won’t live up
to my expectations
and I’m scared to be alone.

But I challenge myself to leave my comfort zone
and to try new things.
I push myself to be better and to make
stronger choices.
I know I’ll get it right someday.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but definitely someday.
I’m not perfect and I’m still going to make mistakes.
But you know what?
That’s ok.
I’ll just keep learning.
That’s what life is all about.
Me? I’m just trying to figure it out.



This is my page for English F.

Live that Life? Or Take the Bench?

"The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences." -Eleanor Roosevelt

She pretty much sums it up. The meaning of life. It's purpose. What every person strives for. All in one, short sentence.

And you know, we can hope that she's right, because she always tried to live her life to the fullest. That's something we should all try to do.

But everything's easier said than done. Eleanor fails to mention road blocks that are inevitably inevitable. Things like fear and insecurity and consequences prevent us from reaching "out eagerly without fear... for newer...experiences."

But does that mean that we should be wary of reaching for greater experiences and and spend our lives sitting on the sidelines of happiness? Surely that's the safer option. There's no fear in warming the bench. No risks.

But no risks means no rewards. If we never leave our comfort zone, we will never be enriched or feel fulfillment.

Now I know that I try every day to reach for greater experiences, but I rarely succeed. I make a lot of mistakes-more than you could count- but I don't regret any of them. I learned from them, they have made me who I am.

So I guess that Eleanor is right. Taking risks is worth it. We have to "reach out eagerly...for...richer experiences". It will be hard, there's no doubt about that. But it's worth it- at least that's what I think (Apparently, Eleanor thinks it, too. And I hear she was a pretty smart lady).

Maroon Cars

Maroon cars. Please. Explain to me why anyone in the world would want to drive a maroon car. What do you think they say about you? When I see a maroon car, I think that the person driving it is a big old phony. The only reason a person buys a maroon car is because that person secretly wants a red car but is too embarrassed to buy one because they think it will draw too much attention to themselves. Because, really, that's what a maroon car is. A crappy and insecure second to a red car. Why do I say that? The person driving is not confident enough to be driving a red car, because when you drive a red car, let's face it, everyone notices you. See, what's going on in a loser-maroon-car drivers' head is this: if I drive a maroon car, I will have all of the fun of a red car without getting all of the attention of a red car.

To all those people out there, I have only one question.

If you don't want the attention, then why the hell do you want a red car? The mere purpose of driving a red car is to get noticed. You red-car drivers may throw out your excuses, but come on, it all boils down to the same thing: you are attention whores.

But, hey, I'm not criticizing you. My ultimate happiness in life will come from driving a red car. I like the attention; I'm not ashamed of that. It's the people out there who are too afraid of the attention that comes hand in hand with a red car that pisses me off because I'm a strong believer of doing what you want. So. Maroon-car drivers, please do what everyone know you secretly want to do- go drive a red car!

Maroon-car drivers, the question at had is this: WILL YOU JOIN THE RED CAR ARMY OF CHAMPIONS, OR WILL YOU STAY A LOSER SLACKER MAROON CAR DRIVER?

p.s. anybody get the office reference?